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me = high on life   
12:13pm 05/12/2003
  sunday december 7th @ club rockit
toronto, ontario

Motion City Soundtrack (epitaph records)

The Explanation

and yours truly...
THE STARES!!!!!!

i am very happy right now. for many reasons. i will put up a proper update once all the craziness of exams is over. but until then, come to the show!		  
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happy birthday to me   
06:47pm 17/11/2003
 
mood: relaxed
music: rival schools
yet another decade has passed me. i celebrated my 20th birthday this saturday and i couldn't have asked for better company. myself, kat, ali, and dave met up in waterloo for a great weekend. i thank them endlessly for showing me such a good time and reinstating my faith in humanity. i love you guys.
the week previous to my birthday had been a shakey one. after the disaster that was the horseshoe gig, i was down the dumps. i didn't mention this, but we played another show the day after the horseshoe one, and it was equally as bad. in hamilton, we played at the underground to a small disinterested crowd. my faith in the band was almost non-existant after this. however, the following thursday we played at the trasheteria in peterborough. driving to the gig i was unenthusiastic, not excited, and more annoyed than anything. we get there, and the bar tender tells us soft canyon (the touring band that was headlining) had to cancel. our collective hearts sank as we thought this would be a repeat of the previous two shows. however, quite the opposite ensued. we played one of our best shows in quite some time. the crowd wasnt huge, but it existed and it enjoyed us. some girls even started dancing (the highlight of the evening in my eyes). we played with a great local peterborough band called the attic. real nice guys, great music, and they gave me a free cd. we'll be rockin with them again soon.
but i digress.
i hopped in the car with guitar virtuoso dave pike to head up to waterloo to meet up with kat and ali. friday night was a pleasant evening of chilling with old friends, meeting new people, and kicking everyones ass at mario kart. then saturday came. our plan was originally to have dinner at the ever-so-classy jane bond, and then go see the constantines rock the starlight social club. however, dave being one week shy of his 19th birthday prevented the latter from happening. but honestly, it didnt even matter. our dinner at the jane bond lasted upwards of 4 hours. it was an experience: yummy food, far too much alcohol, and riske conversation about all things sexual. honestly, i have the greatest friends that ever did live. ali bought me a martini, kat got me a pulp fiction poster. i was just overblown with love this weekend. thanks guys, i really needed that.
HOWEVER
one thing i must say to everyone out there, if you're going to drink, do it responsibly. i drank so much that all my inhibitions were gone. i did some very stupid things and to those that were impacted i want to express my DEEPEST apologies. i know alcohol consumption is no excuse for inapropriate behaviour, but there is no way i would have done these things in a sober state.
i just hope said individual knows that they're friendship means more to me than all the good times in the world.
but besides that, im feeling pretty good.		  
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10:49pm 10/11/2003
 
mood: powerful
music: mico
"don't wanna feel, feel as if we've lost the will to fight!"

life is one big fight. i've got my dukes up and i'm never putting them down. come on, just try me. i can take on anything. anything worth having is worth fighting for. watch me flex these pythons. just try me, i dare you. i double dare you motherfucker. nothing can take me down.		  
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10:46pm 07/11/2003
 
mood: sad
music: beck - sea change
so the horseshoe show went pretty bad. i was really hyped up about it. i worked my ass off promoting it to everyone i knew. and quite a few people seemed really genuinely interested. managed to make a guestlist of about 50 names. but when we get on stage, how many people are present? 20? 15? something in that ballpark. i dont hold it against any of the people that didnt make it. we are just a silly rock and roll band. but it just would've been nice. so we probably won't be getting called back by the horseshoe or atg concerts which the show was for. but i dont even care too much about that. i've been feeling quite lonely as of late, and a packed show with all the great people i've met in this cool city would've just made my day. but alas.
for the most part, im someone who believes in fate. everything happens for a reason and the master plan will be revealed at some point down the road. but over the past few months i really haven't been able to make sense of any of the events that have occured. instead of living in the world of optimism and kindness that i have most of my life, i find myself crawling through a land of cynicism and anger. i really dont think i deserve the cards ive been delt lately, but what does that matter? i didnt create this situation, i'm just dealing with it. i just really need something to give me faith in life again, because my patience is defintly running low.
don't get me wrong. i'm happy living in the city, i love my school, and i've met so many great people in the city. but i don't get that tingly feeling in my stomach about it. that feeling i would get after playing a packed show. that feeling i got when we came out of the studio in july. that feeling that i got sitting next to jenn.
i've lost that loving feeling. woah that loving feeling.		  
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in case anyone cares....   
02:23pm 05/11/2003
  the stares
wednesday november 5th @ the horseshoe tavern
open guestlist
we're on at midnight
19+


man, im really sick of setting up shows.		  
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10:13pm 29/10/2003
  ever get in those moods where you're sad, but not for any particular reason? im not a fan of those. i mean everything seems to be going alright, but i've just been feeling a little down for some reason.
stress of school, scepticism about the future, and loneliness. just your garden variety teenage angst. but wait, in less than a month i wont be a teenager anymore! oh man, am i going through my midlife crisis already? im suddenly getting the urdge to buy a ferrari...no wait a lambergini.
sweet.
in other news, the bob dylan album "highway 61 revisted" is a fucking masterpiece.		  
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10:37pm 26/10/2003
 
mood: the zombies
man i need a haloween costume. anybody have any suggestions?		  
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yargh   
04:30pm 25/10/2003
 
mood: pissed off
music: bob dylan
as the story goes, i went into long and mcquade about 2 and a half months ago. i went in with no real intention besides getting a few drum sticks, but something caught my eye. this 4 piece yamaha stage custom drum set. i'd never seen a more perfect kit for myself. huge 17x24 bass drum, beautiful sounding toms, and it came as a four piece which is rare, but exactly what i need. im sure this is all jargon to everyone else, but bare with me. anywho, i left the store and couldnt get this sweet cranberry red drum kit out of my mind. but 2 and a half months passed and i managed to move on with my life. but still it lingered, so i convinced bandmate cliff to drive me to long and mcquade to see if it was still there, thinking it wouldnt be since it had been 2 and a half months. to my suprise, there it was. that was it, i had to have it. i made arrangements to sell my kit sell my sax and figure out a financial plan to pay for this monstrosity. i had it all worked out, today me and my parents decided to go look at it and hopefully buy it. we took my sax into the band department, we got offered a $590 trade in. everything was good, then we went to look at the dazzling drums.......but they were gone. sold two days ago. jesus fucking christ was i ever pissed.		  
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today's horoscope:   
01:28pm 23/10/2003
 
mood: sleepy
music: elvis costello and the attractions
"Your ship is finally coming into port after being out in the rough seas for so long, dear Scorpio. It is time to pull into the harbor and dock the boat for a while. Relax on dry land and explore the neighboring area. There is nothing wrong with getting off your vessel for a while. You may not even have realized how much you missed solid ground until now. Remember what it is like to be stable again."

wow. i couldn't have summed up my life any better. anyone who says astrology is bogus can go suck a fuck.		  
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09:13pm 22/10/2003
 
mood: content
music: wilco - summerteeth
FINALLY, i have a moment to myself. the lack of updates hasn't been due to laziness, it's been due to craziness. ive been busy with stuff left right and center. tests, essays, shows, movies, beers, and other fun stuff. this is honestly the first time i've been able to sit down and write on this thing since the last update. and it's funny, because usually i don't give a damn about updating and end up doing it just because i feel i should, but i've been wanting to update this time for quite a while.
so how's mark's life? i can say that i'm happy with my current state of affairs, i'm not exploding with joy, but life's been good, but very good. i've met a lot of really awesome people at school. honestly, i thought i was going to face a repeat of last year. meet lots of people in the first month, but then slowly grow farther apart from them and eventually grow to hate them. but seriously, i can safely say i have a few good friends here now. and school is going pretty well too. it's been really hard, ive got some bad marks, and im sure i'll get some more, but the material is all pretty interesting. but dear lord does french ever suck.
band is going. not a ton going on at the current moment. novemember will be busy. a few gigs lined up in toronto, peterborough, and hamilton. by the way, our show on november 5th @ the horseshoe tavern in toronto is free! i just have to put you on the guestlist, so please put on your dancing shoes and come.
lots to do, little time. life is good.
j'espere.		  
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screwed on, somewhat tight   
02:59pm 25/09/2003
 
mood: rejuvenated
music: death cab for cutie - coney island (makes me smile)
i think im finally starting to get my head on straight. i threw a couple tantrums as of late. to anyone who was at the butt end of those, i sincerely apologize. i have been going through some emotionally trying times, but i really have to stop taking it out on other people. it doesn't make me feel any better and i hurt other people in the process. it's just a double negative. im getting organized. the hustle and bustle of moving in and starting at a new school have subsided, and now i need to focus. earlier in the week it really hit me that i need to focus on school. after barely studying for two tests in a row and seeing the mountain of reading that i have to do, i now know that school is a top priority. i think i was just overwhelmed being in a place where i can actually go out and do fun things, that i lost sight of why i'm here; for education. but now im focused and im ready to kick some analytical ass. some bigs news has also come up as of late. my best friend ali will no longer be a member of the stares. it was a very difficult thing to have to do and im going to miss playing with that kid dearly. we've (myself, dave, and cliff) decided to make the band our #1 priority, and unfortunately ali's being in guelph prevents him from doing the same. i really hope there will be no hard feelings and no bad blood. we can just cherish the times we had together, like when he fell off the stage (bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha). and the band is finally starting to get back on track as well. after a summer of nothing but letdowns, i've been working on getting us several gigs and recording the rest of our EP doesn't seem that far down the road. speaking of gigs, come see us!

october 2nd @ the trasheteria
peterborough, ontario
opening for: tangiers and cuff the duke

october 14th @ the reverb
toronto, ontario
w/ masters and moderns, the mark inside, and prom night suicide pact

so once again, to anyone who i took my anger and frustrations out on, im truely sorry. my only objective now is to be the best person i can be and never stop trying to acheive my goals. i feel pretty good.		  
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11:57pm 19/09/2003
 
mood: drained
music: constantines
so here i am. 11:57. taking a break from writting this carnations review that is taking far longer than planned. so many things to do, so little time, and sleeping and eating need to thrown in there somewhere. and i really haven't been on top of those two things. oh ya and not mention trying to have a social life, do schoolwork, look for a job, jam with the band, among other things. somedays im so tired i cant even put together a sentance. this is what i wanted all of last year, and im definitly glad i've got it, but as busy as i may be and as much as i have on my mind i can only seem to think about how lonely and unwanted i feel. lots has been going on in my life, but none of it seems to really feel that great without having that certain someone beside me recognizing it. with her ever-encouraging words. transforming me from the shy introverted unaproachable kid to a well-rounded sociable guy. i need her here. nothing feels good without her. without it. love. i still have it in my heart, oh god do i ever, but it just feels like its going to waste. thrown amongst the 50 bags of garbage in front of my house. down the sewers into a sludge of loneliness and wasted effort. i cant even muster the courage to be interested in conversations anymore. and everyone who meets me now for the first time probably thinks of me as an elitist asshole. but im not. im just empty. i have so much to offer, but nobody wants to receive it. so it goes to waste. dont let me waste away. ive really got to get out of the city for a while.		  
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09:52pm 16/09/2003
 
mood: happy
music: the carnations
had a pretty good day today. classes went well. my philosphy professor is an absolute champ. anyone who can make rational discourse riviting and exciting knows what he/she is doing. he's just so passionate about philosophy that it makes me interested too. also, got nothing but compliments today. a couple of days ago i finally did waht i've wanted to do for over a year; got my labret pierced. i love it, and the fact that everyone else seemed to love it made me feel very warm and fuzzy. had lots of nice conversations with lots of nice people at school today. my friend eva has made it clear that she is going to be the stares new merch girl. this is good since we always have to convince, rather coerce, someone into manding the merchandise. either that or we just wouldnt bother setting it up. also, i went into the eyeopener (ryerson's newspaper) today and to my suprise they want me to write a music review! so i'm going to the carnations cd release party this thursday. guestlist +1 (anyone wanna come??) and i get a free cd! the carnations fucking rule. i was going to go even if i wasn't writting a reveiw, but this is just so coool! i'm starting to like toronto more and more as i go. coming to visit and living here are definitly two different thing, but i think the deep seeded urban decay, gay bars, prostitutes, pollution, and inflated prices are starting to grow on me. there's a lot of terrible things i see that you'd never witness by simply visiting. the homeless smoking used cigarettes from off the ground for instance. such a sad sight. another strange thing is that i almost forget sometimes that im goign to school. there's lots of reading that i should be doing, but there's so many other things on my mind. so busy, such bustling. i really have to hit the books. psychology here i come....		  
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getting stressed out again   
11:50pm 11/09/2003
  gah! all i want to do is the right thing. i'm sick of taking sides. i just want to rock and not worry about politics. gah! so torn. there is no right or wrong, just the shittiness that is this situation.

this rant has a story with a begining middle and end that will unfold shortly. until then i'll just knaw my own skin.		  
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he lives   
02:55pm 11/09/2003
 
mood: blank
music: death cab for cutie
so i FINALLY got the internet hooked up in my place, thus explaining the extreme lack of updating. i am now living in toronto. so far it's been pretty good. i think in the past 2 weeks i've gone out more than i did in my entire year at brock. crazy. i'm having a good time and all, the classes are good, the people are all so nice, but it just feels like something's missing. that comfort, that familiar feeling. im sure security will come back to me in some way shape or form, but for now i feel like a drifter, but it's been cool.
if you didn't figure it out from the last entry, me and my girlfriend (jenn) of a year just recently broke up. i dont want to tell the story since anyone who reads this already knows it and im just really sick of telling it. we both saw it coming, we were ready, braced, but it really hasnt made it easier. perhaps there's some comfort in the fact that, logistically, there's NO way we could have seen each other this year. it's just not debateable. it just really hurts knowing how i still love her, but there's nothing i can do to bring us together. it actually makes me quite angry. angry at the world, angry at people who tell "it's only distance" (FUCK YOU!), and angry at couples i see in the streets holding hands. im generally pretty good at thinking rationally and figuring things out, but this just boggles my mind. the one time i actually become selfless and devote all my thoughts to someone else, she gets taken away from me. i just want some faith in the world, because i've pretty much lost all of that.
the band trudges on. we definitly had a rough summer. many many cancelled shows and failed opportunities, but we did make a killer recording. that kindof made up for all the shit. i want to play a show. i want to go on tour. i want to go back in the studio.
my place is nice. my roommate is nice. my school is nice. the weather is nice. death cab's new album is nice. people at my school are nice. everything is nice. but something just doesn't feel right.		  
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06:20pm 25/08/2003
  our hearts are in the same place
but our lives are so far apart
one of these days they'll be together
you'll see...		  
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12:08pm 20/08/2003
  wow. i'm so unbelievably bored.

please save me.		  
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11:35am 18/08/2003
 
mood: refreshed
music: .moneen.
so why haven't i updated in eons? simple, because there has been nothing going on in my life memorable enough to constitute updating this thing. this summer has been nothing but waiting for the next good thing to happen, and when that good thing is so close that you can taste it, it ends up going to shit. like our show that was supposed to happen on thursday august 14th. the days prior to the 14th consisted of me digging through shit and anger, what with my asshole boss, complete lack of money, and general boredom and lonliness, but through it all i kept the show in mind. then when it finally came what happened? the entire eastern seaboard loses electricity. im actually laughing about it now and i can see the ridiculousness of the whole situation, but when it happened i was supersized tnt, i was the guns of the navarone, i was a mushroom cloud layin' muthafucka, MUTHFUCKA! (random pulp ficiton quotation, err sorry). needless to say, i was in a very bad mood. but this weekend i went to a party at kat's house and for a day of toronto shopping with good friends kat, mj, and ali. kat's party was definitly...interesting. drank some beer, has some good conversations, and the most disturbing wake-up call of my life (that's all i will say about that). the trip to toronto proved exceedingly fun. even though i didnt really get anything, except a cool tshirt (jenn you're going to love it!), i had such a great time. mj made so many purchases it was insane! but they were all supercool. those shoes, wow mj, you are my hero. and helping kat pick her purchases was also really fun. im not really sure why, but assiting her really made me feel like i accomplished something. and another thing, there were SO many help wanted signs seen on our shopping adventure. i can't wait until i move in and then i can start applying for a cool job. no more manual labour, no more trailor park attendant. this time, i'm holding out for a cool job, and i won't take no for an answer! oh ya, and i move in on the 29th. yay me.		  
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12:12am 06/08/2003
 
mood: fluttery
music: radiohead
ever have one of those moods where you're so excited that your literally bouncing instead of walking? well im in one of those moods. i really dont have anything to be excited about and will probably soon fall from this energy peak, but piss on it, for now i'm going to enjoy it. i just got back from ottawa after being there for about 4 days. i had a lovely time. i really needed to get away from everybody and everything that has been my life lately. i really need that. when you leave everything behind for a while and come back, everything seems so much better. nothing really has changed here, i know that, but you can look at it with a newfound sense of enthusiasm. im really rambling, but i dont care. the trip showed me that i need to move on with my life. going to school, moving out, it's really what i need to get out of this rut i've been in. and yes, i can admit it, i've been in a terrible rut this whole summer. this has been, bar-none, the worst summer EVER. nothing has seemed to go right. i just want to leave it all behind and start fresh in the big city. whether my fortunes will be good or bad there is questionable, but i just need a change. whatever may come my way, i dont care, just give it to me already. this has been the longest summer of my entire life and i just want to gouge its eyes out and eat them. mmmmmmmm. if the past few days was an indication of what's to come in the future. then i'm ready for it.
oh yeah, we've got a show. a really good one.
THURSDAY AUGUST 14TH @ THE VELVET ELVIS
OSHAWA ONTARIO
THE STARES W/ MASTERS AND MODERNS
PAY WHAT YOU CAN AT THE DOORS
SHOW STARTS AT 10 PM
we're fundraising to record a new EP, so PLEASE for the love of god come out to this gig and show your love. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE. i dont ask much of you.
im hyper.		  
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02:11am 26/07/2003
  just for the record, the dears are offically the greatest live band in existence. wow, that was incredible.

in other news i was stung by a bee on the ass at work today. how it managed to get down my pants, i'll never know.		  
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