Mark

me = high on life

2003-12-05T17:14:42Z

sunday december 7th @ club rockit
toronto, ontario

Motion City Soundtrack (epitaph records)

The Explanation

and yours truly...
THE STARES!!!!!!

i am very happy right now. for many reasons. i will put up a proper update once all the craziness of exams is over. but until then, come to the show!

happy birthday to me

2003-11-17T23:47:09Z

yet another decade has passed me. i celebrated my 20th birthday this saturday and i couldn't have asked for better company. myself, kat, ali, and dave met up in waterloo for a great weekend. i thank them endlessly for showing me such a good time and reinstating my faith in humanity. i love you guys.
the week previous to my birthday had been a shakey one. after the disaster that was the horseshoe gig, i was down the dumps. i didn't mention this, but we played another show the day after the horseshoe one, and it was equally as bad. in hamilton, we played at the underground to a small disinterested crowd. my faith in the band was almost non-existant after this. however, the following thursday we played at the trasheteria in peterborough. driving to the gig i was unenthusiastic, not excited, and more annoyed than anything. we get there, and the bar tender tells us soft canyon (the touring band that was headlining) had to cancel. our collective hearts sank as we thought this would be a repeat of the previous two shows. however, quite the opposite ensued. we played one of our best shows in quite some time. the crowd wasnt huge, but it existed and it enjoyed us. some girls even started dancing (the highlight of the evening in my eyes). we played with a great local peterborough band called the attic. real nice guys, great music, and they gave me a free cd. we'll be rockin with them again soon.
but i digress.
i hopped in the car with guitar virtuoso dave pike to head up to waterloo to meet up with kat and ali. friday night was a pleasant evening of chilling with old friends, meeting new people, and kicking everyones ass at mario kart. then saturday came. our plan was originally to have dinner at the ever-so-classy jane bond, and then go see the constantines rock the starlight social club. however, dave being one week shy of his 19th birthday prevented the latter from happening. but honestly, it didnt even matter. our dinner at the jane bond lasted upwards of 4 hours. it was an experience: yummy food, far too much alcohol, and riske conversation about all things sexual. honestly, i have the greatest friends that ever did live. ali bought me a martini, kat got me a pulp fiction poster. i was just overblown with love this weekend. thanks guys, i really needed that.
HOWEVER
one thing i must say to everyone out there, if you're going to drink, do it responsibly. i drank so much that all my inhibitions were gone. i did some very stupid things and to those that were impacted i want to express my DEEPEST apologies. i know alcohol consumption is no excuse for inapropriate behaviour, but there is no way i would have done these things in a sober state.
i just hope said individual knows that they're friendship means more to me than all the good times in the world.
but besides that, im feeling pretty good.

stepsintomiles @ 2003-11-10T22:49:00

2003-11-11T03:50:52Z

"don't wanna feel, feel as if we've lost the will to fight!"

life is one big fight. i've got my dukes up and i'm never putting them down. come on, just try me. i can take on anything. anything worth having is worth fighting for. watch me flex these pythons. just try me, i dare you. i double dare you motherfucker. nothing can take me down.

stepsintomiles @ 2003-11-07T22:46:00

2003-11-08T04:02:44Z

so the horseshoe show went pretty bad. i was really hyped up about it. i worked my ass off promoting it to everyone i knew. and quite a few people seemed really genuinely interested. managed to make a guestlist of about 50 names. but when we get on stage, how many people are present? 20? 15? something in that ballpark. i dont hold it against any of the people that didnt make it. we are just a silly rock and roll band. but it just would've been nice. so we probably won't be getting called back by the horseshoe or atg concerts which the show was for. but i dont even care too much about that. i've been feeling quite lonely as of late, and a packed show with all the great people i've met in this cool city would've just made my day. but alas.
for the most part, im someone who believes in fate. everything happens for a reason and the master plan will be revealed at some point down the road. but over the past few months i really haven't been able to make sense of any of the events that have occured. instead of living in the world of optimism and kindness that i have most of my life, i find myself crawling through a land of cynicism and anger. i really dont think i deserve the cards ive been delt lately, but what does that matter? i didnt create this situation, i'm just dealing with it. i just really need something to give me faith in life again, because my patience is defintly running low.
don't get me wrong. i'm happy living in the city, i love my school, and i've met so many great people in the city. but i don't get that tingly feeling in my stomach about it. that feeling i would get after playing a packed show. that feeling i got when we came out of the studio in july. that feeling that i got sitting next to jenn.
i've lost that loving feeling. woah that loving feeling.

in case anyone cares....

2003-11-05T19:24:19Z

the stares
wednesday november 5th @ the horseshoe tavern
open guestlist
we're on at midnight
19+

man, im really sick of setting up shows.

stepsintomiles @ 2003-10-29T22:13:00

2003-10-30T03:16:26Z

ever get in those moods where you're sad, but not for any particular reason? im not a fan of those. i mean everything seems to be going alright, but i've just been feeling a little down for some reason.
stress of school, scepticism about the future, and loneliness. just your garden variety teenage angst. but wait, in less than a month i wont be a teenager anymore! oh man, am i going through my midlife crisis already? im suddenly getting the urdge to buy a ferrari...no wait a lambergini.
sweet.
in other news, the bob dylan album "highway 61 revisted" is a fucking masterpiece.

stepsintomiles @ 2003-10-26T22:37:00

2003-10-27T03:38:59Z

man i need a haloween costume. anybody have any suggestions?

yargh

2003-10-25T20:46:48Z

as the story goes, i went into long and mcquade about 2 and a half months ago. i went in with no real intention besides getting a few drum sticks, but something caught my eye. this 4 piece yamaha stage custom drum set. i'd never seen a more perfect kit for myself. huge 17x24 bass drum, beautiful sounding toms, and it came as a four piece which is rare, but exactly what i need. im sure this is all jargon to everyone else, but bare with me. anywho, i left the store and couldnt get this sweet cranberry red drum kit out of my mind. but 2 and a half months passed and i managed to move on with my life. but still it lingered, so i convinced bandmate cliff to drive me to long and mcquade to see if it was still there, thinking it wouldnt be since it had been 2 and a half months. to my suprise, there it was. that was it, i had to have it. i made arrangements to sell my kit sell my sax and figure out a financial plan to pay for this monstrosity. i had it all worked out, today me and my parents decided to go look at it and hopefully buy it. we took my sax into the band department, we got offered a $590 trade in. everything was good, then we went to look at the dazzling drums.......but they were gone. sold two days ago. jesus fucking christ was i ever pissed.

today's horoscope:

2003-10-23T17:30:07Z

"Your ship is finally coming into port after being out in the rough seas for so long, dear Scorpio. It is time to pull into the harbor and dock the boat for a while. Relax on dry land and explore the neighboring area. There is nothing wrong with getting off your vessel for a while. You may not even have realized how much you missed solid ground until now. Remember what it is like to be stable again."

wow. i couldn't have summed up my life any better. anyone who says astrology is bogus can go suck a fuck.

stepsintomiles @ 2003-10-22T21:13:00

2003-10-23T01:25:21Z

FINALLY, i have a moment to myself. the lack of updates hasn't been due to laziness, it's been due to craziness. ive been busy with stuff left right and center. tests, essays, shows, movies, beers, and other fun stuff. this is honestly the first time i've been able to sit down and write on this thing since the last update. and it's funny, because usually i don't give a damn about updating and end up doing it just because i feel i should, but i've been wanting to update this time for quite a while.
so how's mark's life? i can say that i'm happy with my current state of affairs, i'm not exploding with joy, but life's been good, but very good. i've met a lot of really awesome people at school. honestly, i thought i was going to face a repeat of last year. meet lots of people in the first month, but then slowly grow farther apart from them and eventually grow to hate them. but seriously, i can safely say i have a few good friends here now. and school is going pretty well too. it's been really hard, ive got some bad marks, and im sure i'll get some more, but the material is all pretty interesting. but dear lord does french ever suck.
band is going. not a ton going on at the current moment. novemember will be busy. a few gigs lined up in toronto, peterborough, and hamilton. by the way, our show on november 5th @ the horseshoe tavern in toronto is free! i just have to put you on the guestlist, so please put on your dancing shoes and come.
lots to do, little time. life is good.
j'espere.

screwed on, somewhat tight

2003-09-25T19:12:10Z

i think im finally starting to get my head on straight. i threw a couple tantrums as of late. to anyone who was at the butt end of those, i sincerely apologize. i have been going through some emotionally trying times, but i really have to stop taking it out on other people. it doesn't make me feel any better and i hurt other people in the process. it's just a double negative. im getting organized. the hustle and bustle of moving in and starting at a new school have subsided, and now i need to focus. earlier in the week it really hit me that i need to focus on school. after barely studying for two tests in a row and seeing the mountain of reading that i have to do, i now know that school is a top priority. i think i was just overwhelmed being in a place where i can actually go out and do fun things, that i lost sight of why i'm here; for education. but now im focused and im ready to kick some analytical ass. some bigs news has also come up as of late. my best friend ali will no longer be a member of the stares. it was a very difficult thing to have to do and im going to miss playing with that kid dearly. we've (myself, dave, and cliff) decided to make the band our #1 priority, and unfortunately ali's being in guelph prevents him from doing the same. i really hope there will be no hard feelings and no bad blood. we can just cherish the times we had together, like when he fell off the stage (bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha). and the band is finally starting to get back on track as well. after a summer of nothing but letdowns, i've been working on getting us several gigs and recording the rest of our EP doesn't seem that far down the road. speaking of gigs, come see us!

october 2nd @ the trasheteria
peterborough, ontario
opening for: tangiers and cuff the duke

october 14th @ the reverb
toronto, ontario
w/ masters and moderns, the mark inside, and prom night suicide pact

so once again, to anyone who i took my anger and frustrations out on, im truely sorry. my only objective now is to be the best person i can be and never stop trying to acheive my goals. i feel pretty good.

stepsintomiles @ 2003-09-19T23:57:00

2003-09-20T04:06:20Z

so here i am. 11:57. taking a break from writting this carnations review that is taking far longer than planned. so many things to do, so little time, and sleeping and eating need to thrown in there somewhere. and i really haven't been on top of those two things. oh ya and not mention trying to have a social life, do schoolwork, look for a job, jam with the band, among other things. somedays im so tired i cant even put together a sentance. this is what i wanted all of last year, and im definitly glad i've got it, but as busy as i may be and as much as i have on my mind i can only seem to think about how lonely and unwanted i feel. lots has been going on in my life, but none of it seems to really feel that great without having that certain someone beside me recognizing it. with her ever-encouraging words. transforming me from the shy introverted unaproachable kid to a well-rounded sociable guy. i need her here. nothing feels good without her. without it. love. i still have it in my heart, oh god do i ever, but it just feels like its going to waste. thrown amongst the 50 bags of garbage in front of my house. down the sewers into a sludge of loneliness and wasted effort. i cant even muster the courage to be interested in conversations anymore. and everyone who meets me now for the first time probably thinks of me as an elitist asshole. but im not. im just empty. i have so much to offer, but nobody wants to receive it. so it goes to waste. dont let me waste away. ive really got to get out of the city for a while.

stepsintomiles @ 2003-09-16T21:52:00

2003-09-17T02:11:43Z

had a pretty good day today. classes went well. my philosphy professor is an absolute champ. anyone who can make rational discourse riviting and exciting knows what he/she is doing. he's just so passionate about philosophy that it makes me interested too. also, got nothing but compliments today. a couple of days ago i finally did waht i've wanted to do for over a year; got my labret pierced. i love it, and the fact that everyone else seemed to love it made me feel very warm and fuzzy. had lots of nice conversations with lots of nice people at school today. my friend eva has made it clear that she is going to be the stares new merch girl. this is good since we always have to convince, rather coerce, someone into manding the merchandise. either that or we just wouldnt bother setting it up. also, i went into the eyeopener (ryerson's newspaper) today and to my suprise they want me to write a music review! so i'm going to the carnations cd release party this thursday. guestlist +1 (anyone wanna come??) and i get a free cd! the carnations fucking rule. i was going to go even if i wasn't writting a reveiw, but this is just so coool! i'm starting to like toronto more and more as i go. coming to visit and living here are definitly two different thing, but i think the deep seeded urban decay, gay bars, prostitutes, pollution, and inflated prices are starting to grow on me. there's a lot of terrible things i see that you'd never witness by simply visiting. the homeless smoking used cigarettes from off the ground for instance. such a sad sight. another strange thing is that i almost forget sometimes that im goign to school. there's lots of reading that i should be doing, but there's so many other things on my mind. so busy, such bustling. i really have to hit the books. psychology here i come....

getting stressed out again

2003-09-12T03:52:01Z

gah! all i want to do is the right thing. i'm sick of taking sides. i just want to rock and not worry about politics. gah! so torn. there is no right or wrong, just the shittiness that is this situation.

this rant has a story with a begining middle and end that will unfold shortly. until then i'll just knaw my own skin.

he lives

2003-09-11T19:05:49Z

so i FINALLY got the internet hooked up in my place, thus explaining the extreme lack of updating. i am now living in toronto. so far it's been pretty good. i think in the past 2 weeks i've gone out more than i did in my entire year at brock. crazy. i'm having a good time and all, the classes are good, the people are all so nice, but it just feels like something's missing. that comfort, that familiar feeling. im sure security will come back to me in some way shape or form, but for now i feel like a drifter, but it's been cool.
if you didn't figure it out from the last entry, me and my girlfriend (jenn) of a year just recently broke up. i dont want to tell the story since anyone who reads this already knows it and im just really sick of telling it. we both saw it coming, we were ready, braced, but it really hasnt made it easier. perhaps there's some comfort in the fact that, logistically, there's NO way we could have seen each other this year. it's just not debateable. it just really hurts knowing how i still love her, but there's nothing i can do to bring us together. it actually makes me quite angry. angry at the world, angry at people who tell "it's only distance" (FUCK YOU!), and angry at couples i see in the streets holding hands. im generally pretty good at thinking rationally and figuring things out, but this just boggles my mind. the one time i actually become selfless and devote all my thoughts to someone else, she gets taken away from me. i just want some faith in the world, because i've pretty much lost all of that.
the band trudges on. we definitly had a rough summer. many many cancelled shows and failed opportunities, but we did make a killer recording. that kindof made up for all the shit. i want to play a show. i want to go on tour. i want to go back in the studio.
my place is nice. my roommate is nice. my school is nice. the weather is nice. death cab's new album is nice. people at my school are nice. everything is nice. but something just doesn't feel right.

stepsintomiles @ 2003-08-25T18:20:00

2003-08-25T22:21:19Z

our hearts are in the same place
but our lives are so far apart
one of these days they'll be together
you'll see...

stepsintomiles @ 2003-08-20T12:08:00

2003-08-20T16:08:17Z

wow. i'm so unbelievably bored.

please save me.

stepsintomiles @ 2003-08-18T11:35:00

2003-08-18T15:48:45Z

so why haven't i updated in eons? simple, because there has been nothing going on in my life memorable enough to constitute updating this thing. this summer has been nothing but waiting for the next good thing to happen, and when that good thing is so close that you can taste it, it ends up going to shit. like our show that was supposed to happen on thursday august 14th. the days prior to the 14th consisted of me digging through shit and anger, what with my asshole boss, complete lack of money, and general boredom and lonliness, but through it all i kept the show in mind. then when it finally came what happened? the entire eastern seaboard loses electricity. im actually laughing about it now and i can see the ridiculousness of the whole situation, but when it happened i was supersized tnt, i was the guns of the navarone, i was a mushroom cloud layin' muthafucka, MUTHFUCKA! (random pulp ficiton quotation, err sorry). needless to say, i was in a very bad mood. but this weekend i went to a party at kat's house and for a day of toronto shopping with good friends kat, mj, and ali. kat's party was definitly...interesting. drank some beer, has some good conversations, and the most disturbing wake-up call of my life (that's all i will say about that). the trip to toronto proved exceedingly fun. even though i didnt really get anything, except a cool tshirt (jenn you're going to love it!), i had such a great time. mj made so many purchases it was insane! but they were all supercool. those shoes, wow mj, you are my hero. and helping kat pick her purchases was also really fun. im not really sure why, but assiting her really made me feel like i accomplished something. and another thing, there were SO many help wanted signs seen on our shopping adventure. i can't wait until i move in and then i can start applying for a cool job. no more manual labour, no more trailor park attendant. this time, i'm holding out for a cool job, and i won't take no for an answer! oh ya, and i move in on the 29th. yay me.

stepsintomiles @ 2003-08-06T00:12:00

2003-08-06T04:21:50Z

ever have one of those moods where you're so excited that your literally bouncing instead of walking? well im in one of those moods. i really dont have anything to be excited about and will probably soon fall from this energy peak, but piss on it, for now i'm going to enjoy it. i just got back from ottawa after being there for about 4 days. i had a lovely time. i really needed to get away from everybody and everything that has been my life lately. i really need that. when you leave everything behind for a while and come back, everything seems so much better. nothing really has changed here, i know that, but you can look at it with a newfound sense of enthusiasm. im really rambling, but i dont care. the trip showed me that i need to move on with my life. going to school, moving out, it's really what i need to get out of this rut i've been in. and yes, i can admit it, i've been in a terrible rut this whole summer. this has been, bar-none, the worst summer EVER. nothing has seemed to go right. i just want to leave it all behind and start fresh in the big city. whether my fortunes will be good or bad there is questionable, but i just need a change. whatever may come my way, i dont care, just give it to me already. this has been the longest summer of my entire life and i just want to gouge its eyes out and eat them. mmmmmmmm. if the past few days was an indication of what's to come in the future. then i'm ready for it.
oh yeah, we've got a show. a really good one.
THURSDAY AUGUST 14TH @ THE VELVET ELVIS
OSHAWA ONTARIO
THE STARES W/ MASTERS AND MODERNS
PAY WHAT YOU CAN AT THE DOORS
SHOW STARTS AT 10 PM
we're fundraising to record a new EP, so PLEASE for the love of god come out to this gig and show your love. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE. i dont ask much of you.
im hyper.

stepsintomiles @ 2003-07-26T02:11:00

2003-07-26T06:12:50Z

just for the record, the dears are offically the greatest live band in existence. wow, that was incredible.

in other news i was stung by a bee on the ass at work today. how it managed to get down my pants, i'll never know.

my heart is aching, my back is breaking

2003-07-24T23:13:58Z

today was the first day of my new job. i am dead. basically, my job is to attend to this guy's property. he is a rich lawyer/doctor from toronto who only frequents the property on weekend and there is much upkeep to be done. today for 8 hours i mulched an enormous flower bed and did nothing else. the job is quite a bodily contradiction since physically it is very straining, but mentally it is as simple as it comes. my entire body aches. and i have to do it again tommorrow. i am definitly making my $11 per hour. what did i get myself into?
we're playing a show on sunday at the dungeon. you really should come. suprisingly, it's actually going to be a good show which is quite uncommon at the dungeon. the lineup is as follows:
even if
52 minutes
dreams among stars (worst name ever)
the stares
we go on last unfortunately, so be a pal and stick around so we don't have to play to the soundguy.
i'm currently making kat a ghetto hip hop mix. it's going to be the grooviest mix ever known. i know i did an offer before to people that i would make them all mix cds, and i also know that i didn't end up making quite a few of them, and i also know that the ones that i did make and send off got lost in the mail. so here's a new deal. i will make anyone a mix cd as long as i can deliver it to them personally. i think you'll be able to figure out if you don't fit this criteria. it does not have to be a ghetto rap mix, but if you want that just let me know. i will make any kindof mix you wish. anyways, back to the beats...

stepsintomiles @ 2003-07-21T01:07:00

2003-07-21T05:18:54Z

"I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion." - Jack Kerouac

I always liked that quotation, and it really sums me up at the current moment. Nothing is really wrong in my life, actually there's been quite a lot of goodness in my life lately, but there's just something missing. i feel somewhat bottled up. i get to talk to jenn lots on the phone, but i really miss just chilling in one of our rooms and talking about nothing. i get to see my friends, but it seems like whenever i do it's always a big elaborate production. i have to get a car, drive for an hour, and find a place to crash. i miss the days when i could just ride my bike or walk to my friend's places. i dont know why, but ive just been feeling lonely as of late. perhaps that's why i had so much fun last night at mj's party. good times. i like the fact that when i get drunk i dont act like a total moron (for the most part), instead it just makes me much more talkative and sociable, which is definitly a characteristic i need some help with. i love house parties. i love meeting new people. i love listening to music under the influence. i love pinkerton. i love you.
i've got a job interview tommorrow at timothy's in toronto. wish me luck. as sad as it sounds, i actually want the summer to be over. im really excited to move to toronto and start at ryerson. scared yes, but definitly excited. i said my goodbye to heather yesterday. im going to miss that girl. i know kat has said it already, but her presence just makes everyone else glow. she's so full of life. it was damn fun getting drunk with you at the velvet elvis heather ;) going to see the mars volta tommorrow. ive listened to the album twice now. its starting to grow on me, perhaps this performance will solidify my opinion of them. still undecided at the moment. my sister bought me a ticket for the show. that was nice of her. im off to red 'heavier than heaven' the kurt cobain biography. im very excited.

stepsintomiles @ 2003-07-18T09:43:00

2003-07-18T13:51:51Z

its strange how things can quickly turn around. lately i've been very frustrated and angry. not having a job, my girlfriend being far away, my band's shows getting cancelled. it was just a whirlwind of tough breaks. and the worst part of it was that there was nobody to blame for these misfortunes. problems are much harder to deal with when you don't have somebody to blame for them (even yourself). but as i always say "them's the ropes" and kept my head up as high as possible. in a mere two days i've got two job interviews, set up numerous kick ass shows for the band, and had such a great chat with my wee jenn hardy. i goto an interview working on a research farm in peterborough for some scientist/doctor out of toronto. hopefully i wont be dealing with genetically mutated plants or sacrificing animals to science. the other job was timothy's in toronto. this job would be perfect since it is a mere two steps away from my appartment and i would be able to keep the job through the year. as far as the band goes, we're playing some shows in the near future:

july 27th @ the dungeon oshawa
july 29th @ engineer's hall belleville
august 14th @ the velvet elvis oshawa
august 29th @ engineer's hall belleville

and that's only the confirmed ones. many more are in the works. i cant wait to start playing toronto again. hopefully my living there will help out our chances much more. and jenn, well what can i say? she's my favorite. was supposed to see her this weekend, but i have job interviews. if i were her, i would've been pissed at me, but she was totally cool with it. she rocks my world.

stepsintomiles @ 2003-07-09T15:59:00

2003-07-09T20:15:51Z

now i've been to a lot of concerts in my day. i've seen many memorable performances. weezer at the phoenix in 1999, beck at maple leaf gardens 1998, dashboard confessional at the phoenix 2002, and belle and sebastian at the kool haus 2002, just to name a few. keeping all this in mind, i can safely say without a doubt in my mind that i've never seen a show better than the one i witnessed on monday. the foo fighters at arrow hall in missasauga. oh my lanta. everything about this show was mindblowing. the tightness of the band, their overall energy, the extended jams in almost every song, and the absolutely insane crowd. the crowd, however, was the only thing that ruined this show for me. ive never been in such a rough, rowdy, and rambuncious audience before. i eventually ended up at the back of the crowd, but i must digress for a moment to tell you how this happened. at this show we decided to make copies of the stares song "gas money" to hand out for free in the lineup. we ended up handing out around 40 cd's to foo fans, and we decided to save one to try and give to the band. myself and cliff figured we could weasle our way to the front of the stage and chuck a cd at the band. however, getting the very front or even in throwing distance proved exceedingly difficult. so, i came up with the brilliant idea to crowd surf the the front of the stage and get the cd onstage. all was going well, i was being carried closer and closer to stage, screaming along the words to 'all my life' when all of the sudden i came crashing down. it wouldn't have been so bad if two other people didn't come crashing down on top of me. so here i was face down on the ground with two sweaty males also on top of me, while the crazy audience kept pushing forward. i've never actually been scared for my life before, but at that moment i literally feared death. thankfully someone helped me up and i was back on my feet, but i was in such utter shock that i could barely even move. fed up, i threw the cd at the stage in a desperate attempt that it might hit the stage, and then i left for the back of the crowd. i came to the conclusion that being close to teh stage at a show like this isnt suited for a person like me. i'm just too little. at the time i was pissed off that i was missing one of my favorite bands due to moronic audience members, but at the back i could see the entire stage and actually appreciate the music. and wow, was the music ever good. i aspire to be like dave grohl and hope that my band can be that good one day. so the show ended, and i was happy to be alive, but disapointed that the cd probably didnt make it to the stage. however, to my shock and dismay ali comes running up to me and say "THE SINGLE IS ON STAGE!" whether the band got it or not, we'll never know, but it just made me feel like all that craziness was worth it. so that's my story. if you ever get to see the foo fighters, dont pass if up. unfucking believable.

when thoughts weigh heavy, go have a beer...

2003-07-01T03:47:11Z

my mind has been plagued by a lot in the past 2 days. by things i'd rather not discuss on here. since yesterday i've had a really had headache and really had trouble relaxing. however, i just got back from the creek by my house and feel alright. everything is definitly not alright in my life right now, but sometimes you need to just sit back and look at the stars to forget all your worries. when life gets to be too much i often go to this creek by my house just to sit and think. so this evening after all my family went to sleep (just shy of 10 o'clock i might add) i took a strole down with a bottle of alexander keith's. i lay on my back starring at the stars for about a half hour. i realized i don't have much to be upset about, but im still not happy with the current state of affairs. im glad that i have a family that loves and supports me, im happy i have great friends who are there for me when i need to talk and when i need to have a good time, and im happy that i play in a great rock and roll band. im not happy with how far away the love of my life lives from me, im not happy about being unemployed, and im not happy about living in the middle of nowhere. i don't know where my life is going, but that's ok. as frustrating as it gets, im confident that i will choose the right path for myself. i think that im a good person, even though bad stuff does happen to good people, i really dont think i could ever intentionally do somebody serious harm, and that is more important to me than the misfortunes i've been dealt. these thoughts were comforting. my beer was comforting. i really enjoy a good beer, i would rather drink one really nice beer than get totally wasted of 10 low quality ones. some people dont realize that there is more to alcohol than getting intoxicated. sometimes you just have to sit back, enjoy a good brew, and let a sigh of relief. im not really sure what the meaning of the post was. it was just something i had to write. dont worry i dont really expect anyone to comment.